Dwelling on the Past!

Aging is an inevitable and natural part of life. Getting older is a blessing since one is given more time to live, learn, laugh and love. But, just like everything else in life, aging has its cons as well. The older we get, the more likely we are to witness some of our world’s many tragedies and lose many of our loved ones. As we get older, we also tend to take on more responsibilities as grown adults, young parents, and working professionals. It's interesting how we go through life thinking we’ll always be young, wild, and free. We then wake up one morning and this is when we start looking back on our past, admiring its careless and adventurous nature. Missing the younger version of ourselves is completely normal and is a natural part of getting older, but it can get unbearably overwhelming when we allow ourselves to be utterly consumed by it. Dwelling on the past gets dangerous when it starts robbing our appreciation of the here and now. It becomes toxic when it disables us from living life to the fullest because we’re so busy investing our time and energy clinging on to the past. When we stop living in the present moment this is when we should start changing our mindset and controlling our attitude toward life before it permanently takes a toll on us.   

It’s interesting how we almost always look back on our past like it was some sort of a fairytale or a flawless chapter in our lives. Life is filled with pros and cons, ups and downs. This is precisely why we should fixate our mindset on the virtues of the here and now instead of focusing on the vices of the present. I, like so many others, have been sucked into the vicious cycle of relentlessly admiring the past. Not only did it negatively effect my present, but I eventually came to the realization that I'd selectively (in an obnoxiously repetitive manner) choose to only acknowledge the good in my past while ultimately disregarding the bad that so powerfully shaped that particular portion of my life as well. Such an approach to life not only impacted my psychological state-of-mind, but it also robbed me of some of today’s many pleasures and countless blessings. Being cognizant of such a fact helped me to gain back control of my attitude and accordingly make the most of today, for the present moment is tomorrow’s past. By living positively and wholeheartedly in the present, we are directly shaping a better future. One of life’s truest facts is its predictable imperfection. We should, therefore, live life to the fullest by appreciating our past without allowing ourselves to be governed by it, enjoying our present with an attitude of gratitude, and enthusiastically looking forward to a potentially prosperous future, for the future is directly inextricable to both our present and past.   

The Sociology of Fear

As humans, we are socialized to feel a certain way toward certain people, places or things. It’s no coincidence that in all cultures there is a noticeable pattern of common behaviors based on people’s socialized prejudices. Such biases are by no means objective and are strictly defined by the society in which an individual is born and raised. There are particular norms that are tailored by those in control and passed down to members of society as means of maintaining and assuring ideological consistency, and consequently controlling people’s actions and behaviors. I often wonder why we were raised to fear certain things and admire others. Such feelings have been so concretely embedded within us that they’ve defined us and accordingly formed who we are. 

I always get into debates about the disparity between biological determinism and social construction. Depending on the subject matter, there’s frequently a fine line between the two that sometimes creates confusion. But, based on scientific and social research, there’s an evident and unmistakable difference between a human being’s biological makeup and his/her social construction. For instance, when a baby is born, attributes such as skin and eye color, facial features, and everything else pertaining to a person’s physical formation is biological. Once parents start dressing up their newborn, this is when the process of socialization begins. The way we dress, language(s) we speak, religion we follow, and people we mingle with are all part of socialization. In other words, socialization is not something we are born with, it's an inevitable process that dominates and structures every aspect of our lives from the day we are born till our very last breath. 

Incidentally, as I was roaming the streets of Cairo one fine morning hoping to reach my destination in a timely manner, I lost track of my route. I found myself driving into some of Cairo’s slums and, this is when, I panicked. I started praying like I knew I wouldn't make it out in one piece. I was an outsider so it is of no surprise that both the men and women who resided in this particular area relentlessly stared at me like I was where I didn’t belong. But, beyond their curious and harmless stares, I was safe. The residents of this extremely unfortunate and underprivileged neighborhood did not pose a threat and mostly minded their own business as they walked their kids to school and went about their daily routine. Despite their simplicity and inoffensive behavior, I was terrified till I finally found an exit out of the slums and an entrance into my comfort zone. As I drove back home, I wondered why I was so scared, and ultimately came to the conclusion that I was socialized to fear being in places that are perceived as unfitting to both my gender and socioeconomic standard. It didn't seem right since one may very well be in places that are allegedly compatible with one’s traits yet be confronted with inescapable troubles and threats. Being fearful of what is different from us, and unfamiliar to us, is socially toxic and unhealthy, which drove me to the realization that it is one of the many ways in which society maintains order and control of its very subjects by compartmentalizing us into distinguishable categories for no other reason than to further empower both social divisiveness and discrimination.        

Our world has increasingly become intolerant, judgmental, and racist despite its technological connectedness now more than ever. It’s shameful how people continue to perceive themselves as superior to others because of privileges that were given rather than earned. With power comes responsibility, and it is the responsibility of the fortunate to breed future generations that demonstrate compassion and tolerance. Fear is a tool used by the powerful to control the powerless. It is through fear that people succumb to authority and social norms that control their very lives while failing to question the logic and validity of that which they have been raised to idolize and obey. We mustn't be governed by fear. More importantly, we should celebrate our differences and learn to approach life’s unpredictabilities and discrepancies selflessly. I consider my trip to one of Cairo’s many slums that day a privilege and a learning opportunity. For because of it, I now look forward to escaping my bubble courageously.          

Making Mistakes

What is it about human nature that makes us focus on where we fall short as opposed to our many accomplishments? Critiquing oneself is way better than constantly believing that we’ve reached our maximum potential when essentially there’s room for improvement. But, it’s also imperatively necessary that we don’t spend much of our time being too hard on ourselves since it ultimately causes demotivation and may very well lead to self-destruction. When we all experience life’s challenges, one of the few things that keeps us going is encouragement. Support from those around us is vital but positive energy from within is more of a deal-breaker. We have to realize that we are imperfect creatures living in an imperfect world, and regardless of how much of a perfectionist each and every one of us may be, WE WILL fail at times and occasionally disappoint ourselves as well as our surroundings. The toughest time for me is at night as I’m catching up on some alone time and thoroughly assessing how my day went. More often than not I find myself depressed because of my mental emphasis on all the things I could’ve done better. I go to bed wanting to be a better person, and attempt to approach life the following day with a somewhat flawless attitude. I shockingly realize that life’s imperfections inescapably catch up with me and that assuming perfection is simply NOT the answer. We all strive to be the very best we can be, and dream of making a positive difference in this world. What we tend to overlook is our world’s defectiveness and our innate flaws as human beings. Though we despise being at fault and making mistakes, we tend to forget how essential falling short is for our eventual betterment and development. There’s unfortunately no other way for us to fervently pursue self-recovery if nothing triggers the need to recuperate. We should therefore learn to evaluate our actions and consequently learn from them without constantly downing and crushing our mental wellbeing. Let’s celebrate the good, learn from the bad, and use life’s blessings and trials as a tool to maximize our potential and restore our world.   

Dealing with Loss

When we decide to own pets, it's a decision that is merely based on our love for animals, and admiration of their companionship. Adding a pet to one's family requires commitment and hard work. Familiarizing ourselves with our pet's personality, its likes and dislikes as well as other traits that will help make our new family member more comfortable (and us more competent) requires passion and patience. As is the case with everything else in life, there's a catch. One passionately commits to such a life-altering decision knowing that the longevity of a pet's lifespan is approximately around 13 years (depending on the kind and breed), if we're lucky. So, while we'll be their family for their entire lifetime, they'll only occupy a portion of ours. This means that losing a pet is an inevitability that we have to be prepared for. But, as time passes, we naturally get more attached and lose complete control of our feelings. And when the time comes for us to let go and presumably move on, it's nothing short of torture, and in some cases an impossibility. So, the question is: Are we ever prepared to lose anything or anyone? Does being knowledgable about life's most inescapable occurrences make it easier at all? And if we're given extra time, will it ever be enough? The answer to all these questions is NO! We humans are so powerless though sometimes we may think the contrary. There's only so much we can do with the limited time and resources we have, and no matter how much more we're given of anything we simply cannot change or escape the unavoidable. As we get older, we realize how short life is and that we shouldn't take anything or anyone for granted. Today's thought is dedicated to Sasha, a German Shepard who has been part of our family for 9 years. Her diagnosis of an incurable type of Cancer gives us no more than a few short weeks to say our goodbyes. And while one would think that knowing the predictable outcome would make us better able to wholeheartedly commit to her every need, we are so limited and constrained that our maximum will never be enough for us or her. This emotionally-exhausting experience has taught me to make the most of every moment, and is a reminder to enjoy the most priceless and valuable things in life in an attempt to make the very most of our journey regardless of the obvious destination.      

         

The Key to a Mutually-Selfless Relationship!

Isn't it ironic how we tend to focus on insignificant bumps in the road while deliberately overlooking some of life's most paramount fortunes and blessings? Sometimes when life gets too comfortable we strive to focus on unimportant incidents that are nothing but distractions. Why do we always try to dramatize our lives just as soon as we experience some peace for days at a time? I honestly think it's a dichotomy! Life wouldn't be life without a little drama once in a while, and while it's normal to occasionally overreact, it should't become habitual. But, the obvious irony in all this is that a little drama brings people closer together and highlights aspects of a given relationship that may possibly need to be addressed. Yes, some so-called insignificant bumps in the road may be nothing and others may be potentially threatening in the grand scheme of things. Life is so relative that one cannot discuss topics while strictly compartmentalizing the significant and insignificant. But, if disagreements become prevalent, one has to be wise enough to realize the difference between mere distractions and  potentially destructive occurrences. Bringing out the best in any relationship is consuming in every possible way, be it a romantic relationship, one between friends or a familial one. The key is to never underestimate even the most allegedly trivial situations because what may be unworthy to you may just be a deal-breaker to somebody else. As a Sociologist who has also repeatedly been in such situations, I would advise the following course of action to further prevent a chaotic outcome: 

1. Despite one's immediate reaction, which is almost always an emotional one, we should revisit the whole situation while in a calmer state of mind. Emotions are proven to cloud our judgement especially considering our belief in our ultimate flawlessness. 

2. Thoroughly listen to the opposing viewpoint. If we listen as much as we talk we wouldn't experience as many misunderstandings. Listening with an open mind effectively creates a better understanding of the other and miraculously brings people closer. 

3. Put yourself in other people's shoes. The way we perceive ourselves and others is purely subjective. Sometimes we take people's circumstances for granted and tailor them in a way that best suits our personal interests. Never separate anyone from their unique situation, and note that not everything other people go through is or should be about you. Ego-centricim is destructive so one should constantly strive to be more selfless and less selfish. 

4. Swallow your pride. After we occasionally overreact and think we've justifiably won the battle, it's sometimes difficult to step up to the plate and apologize. People assume that apologizing is a sign of weakness but the irony is that it doesn't just make us stronger, but wiser. 

5. Learn from previous mistakes. Learning from former struggles doesn't mean apologizing while bypassing the possible significance of such a battle. Handling the situation differently in the future (should it happen again) is the key to ultimately mending a relationship and creating long-lasting respect and contentment. 

Living Today for a Better Tomorrow

Today is a day that happens to be filled with inescapable sadness and negativity. It’s a day that’s laden with intolerable news about the loss of multiple lives. Of course, social media never fails to share more sadness than joy, and does an excellent job propagating the saddest of incidents, but I honestly think that life suddenly decides to remind us of death’s inevitable occurrence (since we unexplainably tend to forget such a fact) to help shift our focus to what really matters. It’s interesting how we always exempt ourselves from the worst but never the best. We always sympathize with those who have gone through a rough patch of some sort or lost a loved one, all while assuming the unlikeliness of it happening to us. Life does a pretty good job of limiting our vision so we only focus on the “here and now” thereby completely  overlooking the hereafter. There’s so much evil in this world, and as my mother repeatedly claims: “Today’s world is more dangerous and less blessed than my and your childhood years.” And though we see how people lose their lives due to a specific fatal disease, war, or an accident, we still tend to focus on material and not invest as much as we should on improving the quality of our being. I think we’re so blessed to witness both the best and worst that this world has to offer simply because observing the good and the bad evidently means that we’re still alive, and also because such events should be an example from which life’s most significant and valuable lessons are extrapolated. It is through life’s frequent, harsh exemplification of this world’s cruelty that we learn things that cannot be taught or learned otherwise. So, this is a reminder to invest in yourself because a better you will ultimately bring about a better world. Because this world is an unjust place, make an effort to make the most of your resources by reaching out to the poor and needy. Life’s financial and professional accomplishments are undoubtedly of great meaning, but creating a better you by generously and productively enhancing the lives of others or even committing to a cause that may in fact transform our world as we know it, is priceless. Our time here on earth is precious, yet limited. So, let’s be active world citizens by devoting our time to more than just our wants, needs, and desires. Let’s generate a legacy that will make this world a better place for future generations.   

Addicted to Motherhood!

I’ve always been a hands-on mom. I know it takes longer to do everything myself instead of accepting help but since my daughter was born, I just always loved doing everything without assistance. My husband is a very involved dad who sometimes criticizes me for being too much of a control freak. I think when our kids are way too young, we have to guide them as much as we possibly can until they’re strong enough to fall down, get themselves back up, and move on. With that said, as my daughter gets older, we make sure to challenge her accordingly so she’s thick-skinned enough to survive without our continuous presence. Despite my dreams and ambitions, I’ve always managed to prioritize my daughter, and deliberately tailored everything around her every need. I firmly believe that a child's first years are foundational and once they’re gone there’s no going back; so, I try to make the very most of them. There’s something odd that I noticed about myself lately, though. Every time I go on a date with my husband, guilt never ceases to escape me. It’s like I want her to share every happy and memorable moment with us. I understand how paramount it is for couples to childproof their relationship in an attempt to strengthen and revive it, but I personally find it incredibly hard for me to sometimes go on dates with my husband without continuously thinking about my little girl. As a Sociologist who is specialized in gender studies with specific reference to interpersonal relations, I cognize the significance of dates, getaways and retreats, but as a mom who’s never left her side, I just want her to be in our midst all the time. Don’t get me wrong, when my husband and I go on dates, we have a blast. It’s a refreshing experience that allows us to reconnect away from life’s relentless demands and distractions. But, that uncontrollable guilt feeling that cleverly haunts me throughout the process is something I undoubtedly need to work on. It’s only when I return home to realize how happy she is to have spent some alone time with a family friend or loved one that I understand how our dates are not only necessary for us, but a treat for her as well. Maybe I'll keep that in mind next time!